I should be blogging or writing right now but instead I am making stupid cupcakes because I bribed my summer school kids to actually study and do their homework. I never would have offered the bribe of homemade cupcakes (chocolate stuffed with marshmallow fudge) if I thought it would elicit this response. Damn kids. Why do all kids need bribery to get stuff done? Poking, prodding, bribery, threats of taking crap away from them…
Seriously. It’s not just me and it’s not just with my students. It’s my own children that I hear myself speaking to when I say, “Dash, honey, as soon as you finish your chicken, you may go on the computer for 20 minutes.” Alternately, I say, “Dash if you don’t finish your chicken there will be no computer tomorrow.” It’s freakin chicken. It’s not like I am making him monkey’s brains or frog legs. I tried again with the carrots tonight too. (see Repetitive Redundancy) (yes, I am referencing my own blogs. It makes me feel special. Hmmm…now I’m wondering if I should use an MLA citation or a APA citation.) I steamed them (the carrots, not the blogs or my kids for that matter) and topped them with cheese. Nope. Nada. Ain't gonna happen. So, I then mashed them up with cauliflower and shoved them clandestinely into the blue corn quesadillas, covered that with cheese and poof! My children ate a ton of veggies. Nah-nah-nah-nah-boo-boo. Once Max heard me talking on the phone touting my veggie-hiding-talents and was a bit pissed at first. Then I explained how if he didn’t noticed them and they made him a better basketball player, then I was only doing it for his own good. It took him a second, but I think he saw it my way. Plus he knows he is going to the Taylor Swift concert for his birthday in a few weeks so boy is he on his best behavior. He actually wiped out the bathroom sink after he brushed his teeth without being asked. I know!
The second reason I am not really writing right now is because the stupid hair dye I have been using lately only seems to last two weeks and that’s no fun. I have been steadily going silver (I refuse to admit to gray. Or grey. Hmmm…which is it again? Hold on a sec. That has been bugging me for years. Apparently, grey is the English spelling and gray is the American spelling. But what if you are an American English teacher? Man, now I am right back to where I started. Damn.) since I am twenty-five years old and now it is like every two weeks like clockwork, the garland of silver around my forehead tends to wear on me and makes me feel old. Which makes me feel cranky. (I'm like a sexy curmudgeon.) Especially when I have been up since freakin’ 3am. I was having a lovely dream about a cute man I know when I began to dream someone was breaking into my house. I woke up thinking it was Henry the Cat but he was sitting next to my clock radio about to press the snooze alarm like he had done at 1am. He likes to put his paw on my snooze alarm and I am no longer sure if he just really digs my music or wants to wake me up cuz he’s hungry. I think I have mentioned this before. My students think its funny. I hate them right now. I really should never make the offer of cupcakes again. Either that or stop at Fresh and Easy on the way to school. No, that is not a place to pick up men or my hang-out of choice. Man, if it were only that easy…
So, where was I? Oh yes, my nightmare that woke me up, made me check my downstairs then lie awake in my bed for an hour before I fell into a weird dream that my old guy babysitter broke into my house and ate all of the cupcakes. Now, this left me in an uncomfortable dream state because my guy babysitter, whom I adored and more importantly, my children adored (and not just because he had Angry Birds on his phone) quit, giving me three days notice, because he told me his girlfriend was jealous of me. Of course the girl had never met me before and the babysitter-dude was driving my kids to school at 6:30am so what did she possibly think could happened at that hour? Crap, I can barely apply eyeliner that early. Seriously, the GIRL really should have met me first. Then she could have judged me all she wanted. So anyway, I felt very betrayed by this guy who was one of my best friends. I hate him and I miss him. Sucks. So dreaming about him was just...annoying. This is perhaps why I am in cranky-blogger mode.
Alright, my lovely veggie-haters are sound asleep so it is just me, the psycho-music-loving-tabby and my blog, which I have been ignoring for the past week. I have started like, three blogs and none of them went anywhere. Plus, I am almost at 4,000 page views so I am really looking forward to hitting that number. Considering the grass-roots efforts of my book (Finding My Status) aren’t taking off like I had anticipated, I like to see my page views keep going up. I now have readers in India, Ireland, Iraq; (a lot of “I” countries), Malaysia is back as is Spain, the UK, France and Denmark. I would love to meet some of you. At least write a comment, send an email, say Hello, Bonjour, Hola or Hej. Okay, there seems to be like, eight different ways in Malaysia to say Hi…hmmm...
Just so you know, I love seeing all of your countries and yet I have no idea how I translate or if you get my humor if my humor even translates. Oh! Don’t let me forget Egypt, the Ukraine or Canada. My friend Rod lives in Canada so I think I would get in trouble if I forgot him. But I think I can take him…
Yep, an agent and publisher would probably have made things a bit easier. At least it’s out there, my book I mean, and I have sold, ya know, a bunch. I am in the process of creating the second one. I think just for me. Who knows? I like going over my statuses (statusi) and seeing how my last few years have been. Ya know, in case I don’t remember. I like making myself laugh. I find myself rather amusing. It’s sort of like a journal because I update so frequently. So hey, if you haven’t bought my book on line, please do. I’m like $5.99 which in Euros is $4.20. Man, what a freakin’ bargain I am on the continent…
I do love when I have absolutely nothing to say and yet I am on my second page of nothing to say. Hmmm...what else? I think I am done with the OkCupid stuff. Online needs to just remain Online for awhile. I have some good people to hang with so I’m good for now. Besides some of the messages were just getting too weird even for me. There was a transgender girl/guy…um, I think I would call him/her a shman; with big fake boobs who wanted to “part-tee”. (Her words not mine) Then there were the several older, like really older, men who had no idea how to flirt online. You had to hand it to them for trying. I am such a bitch I never message back unless the man in the message makes me smile. If you make me make a sound like one of Three Stooges when I see your photo or read your message, it just ain’t worth it to waste the finger energy in typing. I have no free time, leave me alone.
Besides…nope, no point.
Okay, I am done. I still need to dye my hair and finish stuffing and frosting cupcakes. Seriously, I need to stop watching Cupcake Wars.
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