ya never know, bring a sweater.

So, last night I filled out the most sarcastic profile I could muster and stuck it on match.com. I haven't actually signed up for the whole smegeggie of a deal yet. I am not sure if this is worth $20 per month. Sometimes I think finding a matchmaker should be done the way it used to be done; back in the old days. What I really need is a Yenta Matchmaker, but my grandma died this summer. I really miss her. Although, Sylvia's best piece of advice shall live on within me. She used to say, "ya never know, bring a sweater." I took it as it's figurative meaning of, ya know, be prepared, don't be afraid to try things, the world may take you to wonderful places so be ready for anything,etc. Although she might have just been chilly.

Back in the day, oh waaaayyy back when, I answered one personal ad from the classifieds. The entire date lasted 40 minutes because aside from him telling me he was afraid of his radio; he looked like Emo Williams. Yep, I thought 40 minutes was generous.

I seem to only be dating recycled men these days. Although that may sound environmentally wonderful, dating men from your past makes you only realize why you stopped dating them in the first place. I keep getting the "why and how did I/could I ever have let you go" crap. Um, because you were a silly boy who wasn't ready for my awesomeness? Hmm? Maybe? I have realized, or rather my mom told me, I need to actually date people who I haven't actually met yet. Of course that does open it up to the occasional serial killer and radiophobic comedian look-a-like, but it should make for "some fun stories" (note: the quotation marks are actually "sarcasm quotation marks". This should increase the understanding of "me" and how I speak. This is for those of you who don't know me yet or do know me and are already frightened of me.).

So, I'm not going to do the whole "this is my life" and blah blah blah; I don't feel the need to go into too much detail about how I moved to LA when I was 20 to be a movie star, dated what seemed to be the same 5 men/guys/boys over and over and over again, married a complete butthead, had two children that completely take after me, divorced the complete butthead, went back to grad school, and invited way too many people to her stupid New Years Eve party this Friday. Seriously, every stupid family said they couldn't come this year and now, they all are calling and emailing me saying how delighted they are to join us for freakin' New Years. Crap. How I am going to fit 40 people into my tiny townhouse is beyond me. It just better not rain. I need to order more pizza. Crap.

So, yep,hmmm...I guess this will chronicle my life? My dating life? My life as a "circus performer"? Perhaps, I don't know. Wherever the wind takes me, I guess. Seriously, we'll just have to see. Whatever falls out of my pretty little head. (Maybe I should have used sarcasm quotes there too.)

Seriously...I guess I should just bring my sweater.