Pain in the ass

My X used to refer to me as a pain in the ass. Everything I did was wrong and everything was my fault. Now that I am on my own and 90% responsible for two small children, I have to wonder if he was right sometimes. Mostly during that week before my period, but sometimes if the timing is just right, I can feel as if I am a pain in the ass all by myself without the use of raging hormones. So am I or not?

I like to make pro-con lists about most things in my life, so I started making a list of whether or not I am truly a pain in the ass or not. It’s either a pro-con list or a second guess list. Not to be confused with a second guest list, which would be a list of men I really don’t feel the need to date but do anyway when I am bored.

Let’s see. I’m opinionated. I’m sarcastic most of the time. I talk a lot. Like, really a lot. Like my students and children start to tune me out when they hear me start a diatribe. Of course when my students do that and then I have to repeat myself, it pisses me off, but perhaps I need to be more succinct when describing assignments. Either that or they should buy planners and actually write down the assignments. Nothing more fun for a teacher than when a student walks into your classroom in the morning wondering if there was homework due. Or the wonderful look of surprise when they see there is a quiz on that particular day even though there was a note on the agenda board for the entire week.

Where was I? Yes, let’s see what else. I go off on tangents. Add that to the list.

I buy too many shoes, I hate doing laundry, I am totally impatient and I am insecure with a fabulous mixture of vanity. I’m too emotional and premenstrual, like, all of the time and have a tendency to repeat myself. Did I mention I talk too much? Oh yeah, already mentioned that one. I think that’s all of the pertinent ones. If you think of any, please don’t bother to let me know because I can’t take criticism well and take things in life way too personally. Of course the last one isn’t really my fault because the things that happen in my life are happening to me so why wouldn’t I take them personally?

There. I can own those. Does that make me an excessively large pain in the ass or does that just make me a woman? Are women just made to think they are pains in the asses of men in general or am I just special?

I was recently listening to Pink’s song “F**cking Perfect”. The radio version when with my children because I have tried to teach them that using the F-word should be reserved only for driving in Los Angeles. I have explained to Max how we don’t get to use that word when pissed at our brother for losing our Legos. So, I guess they get the radio version, but it’s still amazing and describes my feelings about my own life as a teenager as well as an adult to a tee. The whole idea that you should value yourself for who you are and not what others think of you is what I thought I would have achieved by the age forty-three, but here I am writing a blog dissecting the topic of whether I am a pain in the ass or not. So perhaps not. Or rather not yet.

I'm hopeful too. Is that a con? It was the last thing left in Pandora's box, so perhaps.

My pain in the ass-ness hasn’t stopped me from things I have wanted to achieve in life. My pain in the ass-ness hasn’t made me a bad person. My pain in the ass-ness hasn’t interfered too much in my life. Wait, maybe...

Hmmm… Just normal, perhaps? Just annoying, perhaps? Indecisive, perhaps? I suck at decision making too. Add that to the list.
I can’t make a decision to save my life and I have a lot of decisions I have to make lately. Besides the basics of what to wear and what to feed my children, there are lesson plans to hopefully get my students prepared and into college. I have four students taking the ACT test for the first time today. I hope I have prepared them. I have hit them over the head with enough vocab for Harvard and have made them write endless essays. I have strangled them with grammar and choked them with literature and figurative language. Crap, what if they don’t do well? What if I haven’t prepared them enough? What if they weren’t listening AGAIN when I tried to teach them something. Did I mention I tend to blame myself for everything? Add that to the list too.

Hold on. One of my ACT-taking students just texted me to tell me the writing prompt on the ACT test was similar to one of the writing prompts I made them do in class. Cool. I actually prepared them. I feel better now.

Did I also mention I tend to never feel validated by myself and only seem to let myself be validated by others? A sixteen year old just validated my teaching skills. And yep, ya know what? I feel so much better now. Sooooo not a pain in the ass right now. Or at least the pain in the ass teacher who was freakin right about making them writing essays until their hands went numb.

And then there is dating. Oh crap, don’t get me started on being a pain in the ass while dating. (this was not meant to sound dirty)

I was watching an episode of Sex in the City and they were, of course, talking about men. Miranda mentioned something about how it amazed her that all of their great self esteem went out the window if the guy didn’t call. So freakin true. So freakin stupid too. Yep, that doesn’t change as we grow older and wiser. There are wonderful things about aging and learning from one’s mistakes should be one of them. Should, being the key word here.

What was I saying about decision making? Oh, I lose my train of thought too. Add that to the list.

And apparently, I use the word “seriously” too much. Seriously…I seriously don’t think I use it that much. Of course my blog is called “Hmmm…seriously?” so I could be wrong. But I doubt I am wrong. I hate being wrong. Add that to the list too.