A "hang" or a "date"

My high school students don’t really have dates. They seem to be a bit unnerved by the term “date”. Like, it implies a grown up thing; involving putting on something other than jeans and tennis shoes and manners. Some of my girls say they have no time for dating. Like its algebra. Because I seriously have no time for algebra. Or laundry. So, I totally get that.

However, they tend to “hang out”. Which apparently is the casual side of dating. Although I have this cute couple at school that has been hanging out for two years. They are in that “I-love-you-so-much-I-can’t-focus-on-anyone-else” place which actually is nice to see. I have suggested they wrap each other in cellophane as both are college bound. Crap, they need a Sex Ed class at my school.

So, now that I am a grownup who dates, what is the difference between hanging out and dating? Then add on the “meet and greet” where you get to see if they hold up to their computer profile and I am dumbfounded.

Ah, the meet and greet. The who-are-you-and-why-should-I-care meeting. Yeah, seriously, we are actually looking at the virtual you and the carbon-based you and doing a five paragraph compare and contrast paper in our heads. That might just be me. I do have a tendency to write five paragraph essays in my head on most things. Persuasive essays where I can prove arguments as to why my children should do their homework and clean up the playroom in order to get their allowance; the expository essay, where I explain repeatedly things like, why cats shouldn’t eat pizza, why getting an C in my class won’t help you get into college and why I feel the need to teach in three inch heels. Well, the third one should just be like, "nice shoes, Ms Levine", and leave it that. Personally I don’t like to explicate upon my shoe choices. They’re pretty, and make me tall, and well, let’s face it, they make me happy damit, so bite me.

But I digress.

I like the compare and contrast essay, because you can usually get away with four paragraphs. Ya know, list of compares in one paragraph and a list of contrasts in the next, an intro and a conclusion. Sort of like a pro con list with examples and explanations. So, when I meet a prospective date, um, excuse me a prospective hang…okay, some dude that I hope won’t follow me home and murder me. Anyway, when I meet the “real” you, I look at you and think back to your online profile and start the process. Personality, intelligence, eye contact, ya know, stuff I can totally judge you on. Oh stop, they are totally judging me, as well. But that is the fun part of online dating, you get to be picky. You don’t have to respond if you don’t want to. I love this! I have decided to never date a short guy again. Nope, you have to be this tall to be on this ride. I mean…never mind.

What I mean is you can check out the virtual man and see if they even remotely interest you. I like to go with the first reaction I have as a guide. The verbal agree or disagree, as it were. If the noise of “Ugh” escapes my lips, I move on. If the noise of “AAHHHHH!!!!!!!” escapes my lips, then I quickly turn to my bookmarked picture of George Clooney until I calm down from the sheer shock of unattractive men who think the bathroom snap of them is attractive. Yikes and a half.

But if the noise of “mmm” or “hmmm” or anything with an m-sound should escape, I pause. I tilt my head to the side and consider. I read, I ponder, I respond to their message to me with a witty remark. That is another good thing about just messaging. If they don’t get my written humor, then I skip them as well. My written is more thought out than my verbal. Well, kind of. At least with written you can spell check. Plus, I love writing these weird, flirty responses as sort of a litmus test. I also just like to confuse men with figurative language. I am evil, I know, but it keeps me young.

So, at the meet and greet, if they can see past my boobs and I don’t have to explain my jokes, then we move to a date or a hang.

This is where I get confused. I seem to have no idea what the difference is between hanging out with someone and being on a date with someone. Does a date connote “date behavior”? Am I supposed to be all coy and crap? Does date behavior have to resort back to when I was dating in high school? ‘Cuz back then, it was dating and not hanging out. I remember hanging out in groups, but not in couples. So, does hanging mean they pay or I pay or do we split it? Should I offer and hope they pay? Should I remind them I work as a teacher and hope for the best? Does dating mean I should shave my legs? Does hanging mean I shouldn’t? Does dating mean skirt and hanging mean jeans? Yes, cute shoes will be worn on both. Duh. Does dating mean that I only should date you and hanging mean I can hang with others? Which means casual and non-committed? Can you be a casual dater and a casual hanger? Can you be a serious hanger? Seriously. I am confused. Don’t even get me started on playdates…

The other night, I had a wonderful evening with a prospective-hopefully-non-serial-killer who made me think “mmm” as he walked me to my car. He kissed me on the cheek and said, “nice hang”. What the hell…?

I just hope he wasn’t talking about my boobs.