If the shoe fits…

I have two sons. Max and Dash. They are seriously (and I don’t just say this because I grew them in my belly) the coolest kids I know. Max is dramatic, very smart, sensitive and already a lady’s man. He has at least two girlfriends and decides every play date with a female child is a date and he not only has to hold her hand but open the door for her as well. Dash is my independent explorer who must do everything by himself except of course, sleep. If I had a nickel for every time I have fallen asleep in that little guy’s bed, well, there would be, like, a whole, um, pile of nickels. (I really need to find a new way of ending that phrase)

Normally I am the TV-patrol and allow no television on school nights. Although I am back to work, Max is still on vacation and well, Dash is still in pre-school. I know Dash has an arduous day ahead of him tomorrow of contemplating crayons and discussing who has the bigger booger in their nose. Right now Dash is learning to read and do math, and he is totally flabbergasted by the concept of zero. He can not quite grasp that if you subtract zero, you will still have the same number you started with. The idea of something actually not having anything to it, no value, is foreign to him. Personally, I think it actually pisses him off. I guess he just wants all things to have some sort of value. I have no idea why I am telling you this; but it just fascinates me. That idea of not being able to accept that nothing from nothing leaves nothing (ya gotta have something/if ya wanna be with me). (You are all singing that song now, aren’t you?)

Digressing now, I promise. There was actually a point here. I’m not just overtired and squinky from going back to work this week. Well, actually I am, but…

SO! Tonight, my boys, my sensitive, radiant and non-egotistical male children requested to watch Cinderella. They even brought me the pink and sparkly tiara to wear while watching it. Dash likes to bring me the tiara when he wants to play super heroes. He thinks it makes me Super Mommy and let’s face it, it does. If I could, I would wear the damn thing while grocery shopping.

Tonight, I was overwhelmed by their sensitivity and just the mere idea they wanted to watch a movie where nothing exploded. Although, Cinderella does transform, she is not an Autobot. She is cartoon beauty. My children were riveted and loved the happy ending. Ah, my boys. Mommy is so proud.

Now, after watching this wonderful, albeit sexist and unrealistic portrayal of love; I came to a few conclusions:

1. Love at first sight can only exist with a pumpkin, some mice and a godmother.
2. Evil people make us try harder to do the things we really want to do.
3. If birds and mice can sew, do you think they could do my laundry?
4. Cartoon men seem to be hotter and more wonderful than men in real life. Even though they are not drawn anatomically correct, they seem to know exactly what they do and do not want.
5. Dressing small animals in clothing will assure the finding of true love.
6. Women magically look better with sparkly clothes and their hair up.
7. True love cannot exist without a rockin' pair of shoes.
8. Disney does not seem to like mothers. I mean, look at Bambi, Finding Nemo, Dumbo, The Apple Dumpling Gang, and Chicken Little just to name a few. All moms in these films are either dead before it starts, killed in the movie or chained up because they are a crazy elephant. Even in The Goofy Movie, Goofy is raising Max, his son on his own. Seriously, Walt had some issues.
9. Mean girls have big feet.
10. And finally, it doesn’t matter if you are a seven year old lego-loving boy or an over forty cynical and jaded mommy, we all love the idea of happily ever after.

Okay, even if all of this happily ever after crap doesn’t exist, it is always fun finding out if it does. I mean, I wouldn’t have the heart to tell my boys that love at first sight is really just a combination of pheromones, lust, timing and really good lighting. Throw in a really good hair day, and even I could be Cinderella. Although I prefer my shoes to be Italian leather.

I hate how they may find out some day how icky people can be and how love can make you do stupid things. How the world nor people are not perfect. But I can’t shield them from everything. Sometimes I wish I had this gigantic magic umbrella just to shelter them from anything that might physically or emotionally hurt them. But I know that is just as realistic as mice who design designer apparel.

After I left my husband, my sister gave me a silver bracelet with the inscription “…and she lived happily ever after.” And just so you know…she is trying her best to do so.

Seriously.