So, this computer dating thing is…fun. Not like I have gone out with anyone yet. Let’s just take this slowly. One step at a time. It’s hard to want to go out with someone when all you can think of is “Are they a serial killer?” “Are they full of crap?” “Seriously, you are thirty and you want to go out with me?”
The phrase, “yes, but what is wrong with you” is all I can think with these messages I am getting. All of these questions and more go through my little head in these little I.M. conversations and emails. Who are you people anyway?
Some of the profiles don’t tell much and some tell waaaaaaay too much. A few of the gentlemen need to cut back on the caffeine before writing these. Not me, of course. Mine is snarky and those of you who know me, well, it’s pretty much me. I went back onto match.com and am still frightened by all of the men who have winked at me. Seriously, what type of men am I attracting anyway?
For example, some of the profiles that embrace me as one of their “favorites” include rants about how “Israel is a war machine” (did you see that I am Jewish?) and how they were "raised on football and Jesus” (again, Jewish here). I love when they say they are “not typical guys”. That seems to be the typical guy-thing to say so their stating they are not “typical” kinda negates the whole "typical” angle. In fact, they just become standard issue guys. Then there are the guys who admit to being Justin Beiber fans; men who tell you they are “on a journey of self discovery (find yourself and then get back to me, please); men who once again, use the word “awesome” just way to freakin much; and is it me, or is sushi like a euphemism for something or do people just really like sushi? This, my friends is where my mind goes. Sad, but true.
I did have tentative plans with a…what the hell would you call him…hmmm…a possibility? A maybe-date? Prospective annoyance later in life, perhaps? Getting ahead of myself, huh?
Anyway, he messaged me that he couldn’t meet because “he had stuff to do”. Stuff? Seriously? Boy oh boy, that just made me what to change my name to Mrs. Forty-year-old-guy-who-has-no-clue. Seriously, it was a good hair day and everything. Not that I have anything against stuff. I happen to have oodles of stuff to do. I have piles of stuff to do. Really, there is a stuff pile on my desk right now. Oh wait, that’s Henry the cat. Anyway, just, could you just be more specific so I don’t think you are either working for the CIA or burying your last online dating partner’s body. Really, I ask for so little. Just someone normal. Someone without a criminal record or an “awesome ride”.
I have also noticed what fun it is as well to describe my lack of free time to these men. Yep, I know I would love to go out with a guy who has like, one night a week free or needs a babysitter on weeknights but has to be home by 10pm because she has to be up at 5am. Hot.
The under thirty-fives’s seem to think it is endearing how I am a single mom. Like its cute or something. Of course they are going to meet me and think, yep the dark circles kinda give away that I am over forty.
Crap, dating sucks.
I think I am premenstrual.
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