If I could have anything I wished for…

If I could have anything I wished for, my children would stay exactly this age but learn how to do laundry.

If I could have anything I wished for, cars would get better with age.

If I could have anything I wished for, teachers would be millionaires and senators would make under $50,000 per year.

If I could have anything I wished for, girls would think science classes made them sexy. And boys would agree.

If I could have anything I wished for, cookies would have the same calories as carrots.

If I could have anything I wished for, cats would not come with claws.

If I could have anything I wished for, people who were mean to you would spontaneously combust.

If I could have anything I wished for, Manolo Blahniks would be sold at Payless.

If I could have anything I wished for, lawyers would charge $25 per hour.

If I could have anything I wished for, men would turn into Rocky Road ice cream after sex.

If I could have anything I wished for, manicures and pedicures would be covered by insurance.

If I could have anything I wished for, there would be no whining (only wine).

If I could have anything I wished for, UV rays would make skin look younger.

If I could have anything I wished for, men would think insecurities were hot.

If I could have anything I wished for, people would buy my book.

If I could have anything I wished for, high heels would never hurt.

If I could have anything I wished for, Minneapolis would be two miles away from Los Angeles.

If I could have anything I wished for, cellulite would be a prerequisite for a super-model.

If I could have anything I wished for, my children would get full rides to Harvard or Yale. Or USC.

If I could have anything I wished for, a Master’s degree would increase one’s salary exponentially.

If I could have anything I wished for, one’s salary would increase by simply knowing what the word “exponentially” meant.

If I could have anything I wished for, Kate Spade purses would be available at Target and always on clearance.

If I could have anything I wished for, a teacher discount would count at Nordstrom.

If I could have anything I wished for, wars would be fought with Pillow Pets.

If I could have anything I wished for, important decisions would be made with the help of a Magic 8-Ball.

If I could have anything I wished for, the whole world would go to therapy.

If I could have anything I wished for, New York Bagels would be possible to make in Los Angeles and still taste the same.

If I could have anything I wished for, pizza would make you taller.

If I could have anything I wished for, the weather would match my mood.

If I could have anything I wished for, the smart kids would know better.

If I could have anything I wished for, left would always win over right; and good would always triumph over evil.

If I could have anything I wished for, there would be a sound track for everyday life.

If I could have anything I wished for, exercise could be done telepathically.

If I could have anything I wished for, I would live forever but stop aging right...about...now.