If you have read any of my past blogs, you know by now that I am a high school English teacher in South Los Angeles. I can honestly and sincerely say I love being a teacher and adore my students. Last year I was coerced into being the senior class advisor. Damn kids knew I would love to plan prom. (Dig through my blogs and read The Prom and Fast Cars Stupid Tests. That way you can get the big picture of my job as senior class advisor. And plus, I'm super funny, so read them.) As tumultuous as last year was, being their advisor had more rewards than negativities; although I vowed very loudly I would never, never do it again. So, of course this year I am senior class advisor again. Oh, shut up. Don’t ask. Seriously. As I said, I love the kids. I hate them right now, but that is another story.
Last night was the Halloween Dance fund raiser so the seniors could have a prom. We have no Booster club or PTA and have no outside resources for anything that doesn’t involve academics. It’s sad really because the students have to come up with a ridiculous amount of money for all of the senior activities. Payment plans are arranged and fund raising started in the first week of school. Yikes and a half. So, tonight, after a lot of planning was this great opportunity to raise enough for the first of four deposits for prom. It all started off alright…
Since I have seventh period as my “conference period” (which was like a gift given to me at the beginning of the year. I swear, the idea of teaching six classes and then totally done is a great and wonderful thing, I love it.) so we started getting the seniors dressed and made up for tonight’s event. (I have become awesome at making my kids into zombies.) (No, not while I am teaching ) I, of course, dressed up, because, well, I love dressing up for Halloween. I am usually a cat or a bunny, but a mommy cat or mommy bunny because I am in my forty’s and don’t have the thighs I used to have which would enable me to pull off the gyno-mini of today’s costumes. I did my makeup with a brown nose and whiskers, with bronze and gold cat eye shadow; donned my leopard ears and tail with my leopard skirt, and got to work on downloading scary noises for the haunted house. I was then called to the office to have a parent conference. Nothing says “serious teacher” like whiskers, spotted ears and a tail. I walked into the office and one of my seniors said, “Wow, Ms Levine, you look like a cougar.” He then laughed and walked out of the office. I yelled after him, “I’m not a cougar, I’m a leopard!!” But I knew the damage was already done. Why don’t teenagers realize that jokes are only funny the first or second time you tell them? Seriously, I should teach them the“less is more” rule. But then again, I have to repeat myself three or four times in my classroom, so maybe I’m not really modeling that behavior. Hmmm...
Anyway, the parents thought it was cute that I was a leopard English teacher. After that, I had to brave the assembly in costume to explain the rules of the dance and plug it one more time. We needed to raise $1000 tonight and we were going to be close. Yes, standing before my students with a tail was a new experience for me, but it did keep the assembly light and kind of amusing. One junior girl asked me if I would be their senior advisor next year. I paused. For like a really long time. In my head there was “NO!!!!!!!” but I just smiled and said, “We’ll see.” Yeah, no freakin way. Of course I said that last year too…
The middle school Halloween party was great. Over a hundred kids showed up, all in costume and the haunted house scared the bajeezus out of them. I had jokingly said to the haunted house committee that I wanted it to be soooooo scary that at least one kid would wet his pants and a few would cry. Well, at least I got my wish. I am, after all is said and done, a high school teacher, so I do enjoy tormenting the little ones. And it was all in Halloween fun.
The high school dance started off well. Food was being eaten, glow sticks wrapped around everyone’s necks, my seniors dragged me on the floor to dance with them, and it was fun. But then…I noticed a few kids were wobbly. Ya know, just staggering enough so you knew something was up. Then there were a few kids with dilated pupils who were just a bit too happy. And then there was the cloud of pot smoke emanating from the boy’s bathroom. Enough was enough. We just were done. This started sucking. I have a tendency to take these things personally. Not like they are doing it to ME personally, but their actions are stupid and could cost them dearly. I hate when teenagers act like stupid teenagers. Do it after the dance, not during it. Yes, you are teenagers and I know you are going to experiment with stuff, but don’t do it when the director, who just wrote you a letter of recommendation, is three feet away from you. Don’t do things that might get you expelled. Think. Now there’s a plan.
There were one hundred kids on the dance floor when I walked in and had the DJ turn off the music and turn up the lights. I took the mic and made them stop. “There are way too many people here tonight who are drinking or getting high. We are done now. Time to go home.” I heard the words come out of my mouth and felt like that old person who didn’t understand teenagers. That person the kids couldn’t come to when they needed someone older and wiser to talk to. But I also knew that this was NOT the place for it. Experiment in your parent’s basement like I did when I was in high school. Get drunk after the dance at the after party at the kid’s house whose parents were on vacation, like I did in high school. Yeah, I didn’t actually say that to them, but I think it was implied.
We cleaned up. Well, some of us cleaned. Most of the kids bailed. I can’t blame them, but still, you need to clean up the mess you made. Hah! So many levels on that one!
There are still fake blood stains on the cafeteria floor; at least I hope they are fake. The seniors that actually stayed to help clean up were depressed because they had no idea where this left them. Would they still have a prom to go to? Or would they be punished for the actions of the stupid others? Would we still be able to fundraise or would they be paying $200 per prom ticket? There will be a meeting on Monday and I will pray the administration doesn’t blame me. Which they probably will.
I arrived home around 11:30pm and thought about my day. My feet hurt. My eyes hurt. My head hurt. Probably because of the damn leopard ears on a headband. I poured myself a large glass of wine because my kids were at the dreaded x’s house for the night. Then I wondered if I was being a hypocrite for drinking tonight. Then I realized that I was forty-four years old and had been up for almost nineteen hours and was in a great state of disappointment and wonder. No, I was not a hypocrite. I was of just over twenty-one.
I will not be senior advisor next year. Please remind me of this in September when wide-eyed students start begging me and I remember why I love doing it in the first place. Seriously, please remind me of this night and the countless battles for them that I don’t seem to win. Please remind me of the amount of money I spend on babysitters so I can be there for potlucks and Gradnight and stupid fundraisers where the kids smoke skunkweed in the bathroom (seriously, couldn’t they have gotten some good medical marijuana that didn’t smell that foul?). Please remind me that I could just be an English teacher and be happy educating my students and not planning the prom and graduation.
And please remind me that I am not a cougar, just a mommy leopard who likes to care for her kittens.
Oh, and Happy Halloween.
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